we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
