i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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