spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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