You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
