My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
