you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
her vagine was all disorganized.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
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