She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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