Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
