I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
