Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
we're so committed to being not committed
The adults are the big ones right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
