Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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