just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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