Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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