We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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