She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
