what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
