Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
