i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
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I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize