i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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