I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
