I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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