you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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