you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
