Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.