if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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