my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
