You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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