I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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