dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
