What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
