Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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