I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
