So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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