my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
