My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
