There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
