If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
the raccoons are back...
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