fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
