I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize