Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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