I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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