K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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