remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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