I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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