Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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