Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
