mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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