oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
