Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
