i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
