I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize