sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
