Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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