jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
