Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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