I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
