I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
