She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
