wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
