Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
