Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
