Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
