We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
