There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize