i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
