hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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