I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
