I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
