Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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