saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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