dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
