that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
