You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
