sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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